Wednesday, March 25, 2009

What A Day.

Boy it has been quite a day. By that I mean a LOOOOOONG day. I have been runnin since I got up this morning. Toby had a doctors appointment this morning and they decided they wanted him to have an x-ray of his belly. So I came home to let the kids run around for a minute, potty, and have a snack. Then we went in to Effingham (about 12 miles away) to go to the hospital for an x-ray. Well it was an interesting experience to say the least. But it was quite comical.

Ok, Toby is a very outgoing 2 1/2 year old, and he is very sociable, under certain conditions. If he knows you he is quite the jabber-box. If he dosent know you he is still quite friendly, but he is very cautious, borderline shy.

Well, we got to the hospital and he was entertaining all of the older people in the registration area and everything was fine. Well then the x-ray tech came for us. I went to school with this guy and he graduated with my sisters class, so we made small talk on the way back to the x-ray room. Toby was still happy as a lark. THEN we step into the x-ray room where there are big machines and 3 other people. Toby decided that the safest place was to be behind me hanging on to my shirt. So we get him to stand where they needed him to stand and then they moved the machine closer to him. This was not so kosher. He started to cry. Well we remembered that he had jeans on with a metal snap. So the x-ray tech asked Toby if he could pull his pants down for a minute. Toby promptly replied "ahhhhh no, I dont know you." Well we got a good laugh outta that, then I helped him pull his pants down, which led to more crying. So then we had to lay him on the x-ray table. Toby didn't have his pants on and I know that table was COLD! More crying ensued. Finally we were all done. The x-ray tech came out from behind the wall and helped Toby pull his pants up and try to make friends with him. Toby looked at him and said in a rather stern way "THAT WAS NOT NICE!!! I'M GONNA TELL MY MEMAW!!!!!" We started to laugh and the x-ray tech said "I know your memaw and I dont think she will get mad at me." Toby glared at him and said "WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT." We all busted out laughing. Well then we went to leave and I said Toby aren't you gonna thank him for helping us. He promptly said "Well no!!!!" I told him he really needed to so he looked at the floor and said "Sure....thanks, but I'm still tellin Memaw." This was quite an adventure.

So we FINALLY got home and got settled down and by that time it was late in the afternoon and Jay walked in from work. So like always the kids were bouncin offa the walls hollerin DADDY DADDY DADDY......Jay was tryin to talk to me, the dog was barkin, and the phone was ringing. I have had my cochlears for about 3 weeks now and I have never done this yet, but this evening I had no choice. I looked at Jay and said dude I need a break and I took off my processors for about 20 minutes. I swore to myself that I would never do that, but I just couldn't take it all in anymore. So I took off my ears, went out on the porch and regrouped my thoughts.

I have been waiting to hear for so long I never imagined that I would want to take off my processors. I feel kinda guilty. Here I have been waiting for so long to hear all the good and bad sounds, and it just got to be too much at that particular moment. I must admit that there have been other times that I have been overwhelmed, but I never took off my ears. I guess I shouldn't yell at myself too much, maybe I'm over thinking this.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

New Program..HOLY COW...What a difference

I went to my audiologist yesterday and I must admit when I first went in I was more than alittle frustrated. Background noise was overwhelming, my voice was WAY WAY WAY louder than anything else, even though people assured me that I was almost whispering, and when people spoke it was like they were mumbling. I started with my appointment almost in tears. She told me to chill out and she would play with the programming.

So she told me that there are 2 different ways to fire the electrodes. They can fire the electrodes one at a time really really fast. This is called sequential or an S program. This is an older way of doing it. They also have where they fire them in pairs really really really fast. This is called Paired or P program. This is the newer way of doing it. Neither one is right or wrong, but one way may work for one person and the other way for another person. Well she has always had me on paired (P program) and she switched to S program to see what I thought. HOLY COW PEOPLE. This was making things better right off the bat. Then she said she wanted to try something else. I was also on what they call Hi-fidelity-120. Which is one of the newest things also. I'm not sure I can explain Hi-fidelity-120 yet but for all you technical people out there I will get more info and let ya know the difference. Well she changed me from that to what she called Hi-def. WOW!!

Now dont get me wrong......i still cannot make out all speech, and everyone still sounds like chipmunks, BUT it is not as overwhelming as it was before. It is easier to make out words in speech, and it's like my brain isn't trying to fight the sounds. It's able to absorb the signals of sound rather than fight the overload of sound. IT IS QUITE AWESOME. Now it is also easier to do my listening homework and I know that my brain is adjusting faster cause after only one day I am on the loudest program she gave me and at the highest volume. This is a good thing. Although now that my brain is adjusting faster, I already need louder programs so I will hafta call her tomorrow and bump up my appointment.

The coolest thing that happened this morning is I asked Josie to go downstairs and see what Toby was doin. She came up behind me and said "Mama he is sitting on the floor playin and watching tv." She was BEHIND me and I HEARD her say that!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO!!!!! I told her thank you and she left the room, I started to cry. Her voice is still a chipmunk, but I understood what my girlie said without lookin at her!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I Really Like My Free-Lance Job, Except for Franklin County

I'm not sure if I had said this before but I do some free-lance work for a mortgage company. I collect statistical information from mortgages and deeds and upload them to my boss. I do have a boss, but as long as I meet my deadlines (or tell them to extend my deadlines when needed), she dosent care when I work or in what order. I usually work on Fridays since Jay usually has Fridays off. He works 10 hour shifts during the week so they dont work on Fridays unless they are on overtime. This not only gives him some much welcome one-on-one time with the kids, it also gives me a break. And I ABSOLUTELY LOVE data entry work.



Anyway all of my work is done at the county clerks offices, which are normally located in the court house. I service 11 counties in my area. They range from 12 miles to 100 miles away from my house. Most are your run of the mill county courthouses. They all have security at the front door, but I'm in and out so much that they all know me by name, and most of my family by name as well. Some of these police officers I have actually went to school with, or many of them know my parents or grandparents. Since I have been doing this for awhile everyone knows that I'm deaf and they are usually good about facing me when speaking and talk clearly. I usually have absolutely no problem going thru security. They look thru my purse and my backpack that I carry my computer in while usually me and the sheriff's officer joke and catch up on what's goin on with each others families. This is the norm, EXCEPT when I go to Franklin County Illinois. This isn't a county court house this is a federal court house. Why they don't have the county offices in a separate building from the federal court house is beyond me. Anyway, that particular security guard and I DO NOT work well together.



Now my parents taught me from a very young age about respect. Respect your elders and all who are in authority. Even if you do not agree with them, they at least deserve a certain amount of respect. Answer yes sir/no sir, don't sass, and watch your mouth kinda thing. They AT LEAST deserve this amount of respect. Also when it comes to authority figures, law enforcement and fire fighters, have an additional rule. Never joke around UNLESS number one you actually personally know the person and number two they KNOW that you are joking around. And I totally agree with this teaching.



Well,,,,,one day I forgot this lesson and I pay for it every time I go to work in Benton. Ok, the way the downtown of Benton is set up the courthouse sits in the middle and the road around it is in a circle. Off of this circle there are 6 different roads that go in different directions all around the circle. NO ONE HAS A STOP SIGN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And no one, including semi trucks, stops. And on top of that all of the intersections are blind corners, you literally cannot see what is coming till it is almost to late. This dosen't seem to bother anyone else cause they are all doing this a breakneck speed. So one day I was running late, almost got hit twice on the circle, and I forgot that I cannot bring my txt phone into this particular court house. So I go thru the metal dector, and it always goes off because of my computer. So like always they search thru my stuff. This is normal and I'm use to this. Well this particular security guard must have been having a bad day and promptly said "do you know the concept of no cell phones?" I totally forgot whom I was addressing and without thinking I said "do you know the concept of placing stop signs when 2 roads intersect?" Needless to say, this is not my favorite court house to visit.



With all this said most of my other counties know that I now have cochlear implants and that I cannot go thru the metal dectors. They are fine with this as long as they can still search my belongings when I come in, which is not a problem for me. Well since I'm not as close to this security guard as I am the others, I forgot to tell her that I can no longer go thru the metal dector. And guess which county is due Friday. I think that since I have an appointment with my audiologist in Champaign on Friday I will call my boss and have her extend the deadline on this county and just work in another county when I'm done with my appointment. But I know that I'm gonna hafta face this county soon.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Just An Update

Hi ya'll. It has been 12 days since my activation. Things are going good, although aggravating at times. Right now background noise is still EXTREMELY loud and voices are chipmunks. It's still really hard to make out speech. It's like everyone is mumbling. The wonderful and EXTREMELY frustrating part is that I can hear the buttons on Jay's phone clicking across the room when he is txt'ing......yet I cannot make out speech as well. But I am assured by all of my friends that have done this before me that this is normal and it will get better. I sure hope so.



At first I could make out what Jay was saying to me when he was standing behind me. Now I have to be looking at him. I will say one good thing, lipreading isn't as taxing as it use to be. And another COOL thing is that I can hear and make out Toby yelling MAMA when he is upstairs and I am downstairs. That is WAY COOL!!!!!! Even with all the frustrations of learning to hear again if I had it to do all over again I would do it all again, without a doubt. I know that this will all get better. Even if I never got more than I have now it is ALL worth it. I can tell when someone is talking, I can't make out much of what they are saying right now without lipreading, but I know that someone is speaking.



Oh and another cool yet frustrating thing that happened yesterday. I was outside with Jay and I kept hearing this little sound. I couldn't make out what it was so I stopped what I was doin and I concentrated on the sound. After a minute I could make out the "cheep cheep" sound. It was a bird. I was so amazed I cried. I cried number one cause I ACTUALLY HEARD a bird. Number two I cried cause I can hear a bird, yet can't understand most speech yet. I also heard the phone ring from upstairs yesterday. I have a captioning phone and you can set the ringer to what Jay calls an earsplitting ring. Evidently it is very loud. Anyway I was upstairs putting away the day's laundry and when the lights flashed I heard a sound with it (my lights flash when the phone rings, doorbell rings, fire alarm goes off, etc). I was so amazed that after that phone call I called my mom and made her call me back just so I could hear the phone ring again......LOL.



This journey of mine is frustrating at times, but it is all worth it and time can only make it better.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Just a Short Update

Hi all. Things are good here. I have noticed that I have had to turn up my processors quite often lately and now I'm on the highest volume on the loudest program. And so I called my audiologist and she said that I need to come in to be reprogrammed. So tomorrow we will be heading up to Champaign. I'm anxious to see if we can fix some problems I have been having. For instance, background noise isn't in the background. So when I talk to someone their speech is ok, but background noise is WAY LOUD!!!!! My voice is extremely loud to me, even though Jay assures me that I'm talking quietly. Everyone is still has a chipmunk voice. Wind does have a sound and it is AWFUL!!!!!!! But I'm wearing the processors from the time I wake up till the time I go to bed, and I'm doing my listening practice homework so all is well here. Oh by the way we got a new member of our family the other day. She is a Shih-a-poo. 8weeks old. She is VERY much a lap dog and she loves attacking the kids when they lay on the floor. Her name is Daisy and hopefully soon I will post a picture for ya'll

Saturday, March 7, 2009

This is Totally AMAZING

WOW......EVERYTHING makes a noise. Things still sound really weird, but they said everything would at first so i'm not worried. Everyone sounds really robotic right now, but that will change. I sound like a chipmunk right now. Not just any chipmunk, do you remember alvin and the chipmunks the cartoon?? The one when we were kids. I sound like Theodore. It's HILAROUS!!!! Some sounds are more annoying to me right now than others. Trains are HORRABLE. But did you know that velcro makes this really COOL sound. I didn't even remember it making a sound. But it is WAY COOL!!!! If you blow into a plastic soda bottle just right it makes this kinda low pitch noise that is way awesome. Things still sound really weird right now, but they are getting better by the hour. I'm gonna try to post my activation video, as soon as I can figure out how to get the video from the dvd i recorded it on to get on my computer. This is just so awesome I can hardly put it into words.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

This is it. Tomorrow is the day.

In 19 hours I will be among the hearing world again. I'm extremely happy but also EXTREMELY nervous. I got a call from audiologist a few minutes ago and she asked if some students can observe my activation. They will be in a totally separate room and she said that I wont even know that they are there. For some reason they are really wanting these students to watch my activation. I said that it is ok, although I hope I dont see them cause I'm afraid that I will feel like a lab rat. But I do understand that these people are trying to learn how to help people so I guess it's ok with me.



I really didn't think I would be this nervous. What if I dont like hearing the world. I was talking to my mom about this earlier and she kinda laughed and said "DUH when it gets to be too much take your ears off for a few minutes." In all of my fretting I forgot that I will still be deaf. If it's gets to be too much at times I can just take the processors off. I love my mom. She has helped me thru countless trials in my life. She has a very down-to-earth way about her and she is not easily flustered. I thank the good Lord that when he decided who should be my parents He choose my mom and dad.



Josie and Toby are LITERALLY jumpin off the walls today. They are so excited. I dont think Toby fully understands whats goin on, but he is quite happy to celebrate with us. Josie has a whole list of things she wants me to hear. She said this morning, "Mommie, will I be able to whisper in your ear and you understand me?" I said well sure. It may take awhile for mommie to be able to understand what you are sayin, but in time I will be able to understand. She started dancin around goin "OH YEAH, OH YEAH, MAMA'S GONNA HEAR, OH YEAH OH YEAH."

Well I have quite alot of things to get ready for tomorrow. I probably wont be able to post till after my activation so wish me luck.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Nervous Rambling and Tryin to Figure Out How To Post Picts and Video on Here

Talk about nerves. I'm so nervous. I will hear the day after tomorrow. DAY AFTER TOMORROW!!!!!!! HOLY COW, where did the time go. I'm speechless....(and for anyone who knows me well knows that is no small feat.) Josie is so excited. She just can't believe that mom will be able to hear on Thursday. I've been on YouTube replaying some cochlear implant activation videos. I know alot of them from the Hearing Journey forum. Even though some aren't captioned I still get alot out of the videos just from lipreading and seeing facial expressions. I'm not scared like I was with surgery......I'm just more of a curious kinda nervous. I know 5 years really isn't that long of a time period, but in a way it seems like a lifetime. 5 years since I have heard a peep. Even then I was wearing hearing aids so my hearing wasn't all that good then, but it was something.

I wonder what my June Bug (Josie) sounds like. We were having a silly moment today where we were just singing and dancin and goofin off while I was unloading the dishwasher. Jay says she sings really well. Before I became deaf I had was is known as "perfect pitch". I basically taught myself how to play the guitar as a young child. My aunt taught me the different chords, but after I learned where to put my fingers, I could play music "by ear" meaning I could hear a song once and within a few minutes I would be playing that tune on my guitar. I could tune a guitar with just listening to the piano. I miss those days. But anyway back to what we were really talkin about, Jay says Josie has "perfect pitch." He says when she sings a song off the radio she can either sing the lead part, or when she chooses she will sing the alto part. THAT'S MY BABY YA'LL!!!!!!! I can't wait to hear her. And to finally understand some of the songs that she sings offa the radio.

Josie is very understanding about my deafness. Partly because she is a very smart girlie. And second because about a few months ago she was really gettin frustrated about having to repeat something to me and she just threw up her hands and said "NEVERMIND" At that point I had had it. So the next day I did alittle experiment with her. I have done this experiment with some other people who have been frustrated with me not understanding conversation and it did wonders. So I asked her if she wanted to be hard of hearing for a day. I told her she wouldn't be deaf like mommie, but it would be very hard for her to hear so she can kinda see what it's like for mommie. She just having turned 6 years old said "bring it on mom." So I got a pack of the squishie earplugs (Jay works in a factory and hasta wear earplugs....sometimes he accidently brings some unused one's home) Then we borrowed daddy's gun muffs (these are like the old style stereo headphones but they cancel out most noise) So I put the earplugs in her ears, then put the gun muffs on her ears. She had to wear these all day. Well I made her last from 10am to about 5pm. Keep in mind that she is a very good lipreader, and if you dont believe me you should ask her PaPaw. He plays games with her without using his voice, just moving his lips. He is extreamly hard of hearing but he doesn't have the ability to lipread. So he thinks it's EXTREAMLY important for her and Toby to learn lipreading in case they ever need it. I have a smart dad. It also helps that when they get in trouble I dont say "Look me in the eyes" I say "Look at my Lips." Anyway, she kept saying huh......what was that.......say again. She got TOTALLY upset with the tv and just walked away from it. She couldn't understand why toby would after awhile of trying to tell her somethin he would just say nevermind and just walk off. Well I felt bad for her cause by 5pm she was in tears. Ever since then she doesn't mind repeating things to mommie. I felt like a horrible mom, but it was the only way I knew to make her understand.

I'm not sure why I told that story, but I have already typed it and there must be a reason so I'm not gonna delete it.

I cant wait to hear her sing. And I can't wait to hear the Monkey Man from Alcatraz (Toby). I wanna hear him yell at Josie. He gets the cutest angry face I have ever seen and he will proceed to let sissy know what's on his mind. I want to hear that. I want to hear Jay say "hey baby" as he walks in the door from work. I see him say it everyday. I want to hear it. I want to hear running water. I want to hear Yoyo Ma play the chello again. I want to hear the song I had sung to my hubbie at my wedding (And I Love You So by Don Mclean).

I am also trying to figure out how to post pictures and video on this blog. Jay will be video taping my activation and I thought I would post it on here. IF I can figure out how to do that. So if anyone has the know how I would sure appreciate it.

We will see what the hearing world is like in 37 hours. Heaven help me.