Well I called my audiologist today and she said I hafta wait the FULL 3 weeks after surgery to be activated. She said that even if I dont feel some of the swelling, it's still there and if I want my activation to go smoothly I will hafta wait. BUMMER. Oh well....I tried. My activation date is exactly 3 weeks to the day after my surgery. I can hardly wait. It kinda feels like bein in a NASCAR race, 3 laps away from the win, and they postpone the end of the race till another day. But I really can't complain. It's only 9 more days.
Keep in mind that I'm not complaining or anything like that. I'm just rambling stray thoughts now.
Oh the world in 9 days. Will it be just the way I remember it?? Will it just be all beeps and clicks till my brain re-learns to hear?? Will it be a combination of the two. Is the world really as noisy as everyone tells me it is?? I so wanna hear my son. Don't get me wrong I want to hear my whole family and actually EVERYTHING in the world. But I have never once heard that boy. My lights would flash in the night-time when he would wake up crying, telling me he needed a bottle. He forms alot of his words now so I can get the jist of what he is saying. I was on cloud nine the first time I saw him say "I lub ewe mommie." Oh but to HEAR him say it. We have alot of silly sayings in our house. Josie is our "June Bug from Buffalo".......and Toby is our "Monkey Man from Alcatraz." They go around the house saying these silly sayings that mommie and daddy have taught them. Silly songs. Silly phrases. Words that we know they cannot possibly pronounce correctly just to see (or in Jay's case hear) what will come out of their mouth when they try. Sometimes Toby's brain will get ahead of his mouth. You can see the wheels in his mind spinning, but all he can do is stand there and say "um um um um um." It is quite comical at times cause he will continue saying "um" until you say "Toby slow down" I see all this daily life around me. Oh how my heart actually aches to HEAR them say these things. To HEAR them say mommie. To HEAR the kids erupt in laughter after someone unexpectedly burps. To hear the kids squeal in delight when we scare them from around the corner of the bedrooms. To hear the sweet nothings whispered in my ear from my hubbie. To hear my guitar again. To finally put a voice to people whom I have met in the last 5 years, but have never heard. To hear a car passing by before I see it. To hear my parents again. To hear the fire whistle from the fire station up the road again.
To hear the quiet again. Ok I may hafta explain that one. There is a difference between quiet and deafness. It's hard to explain, but there is a difference. The only analogies that I can think of is like to me quiet is like when you are in the country, no city noise, no cars. Just muted bugs noise and....well....just quiet. And deafness is being in a place that you know has alot of noise, but you hear nothing. It's really hard for me to explain this. I don't hear the quiet anymore. I just hear deafness. Quiet is enjoyable. Deafness is almost sickening at times. It sometimes feels like everything and everyone in the whole universe is in fast forward, and I am 2 speeds slower than everyone else. You get use to it after awhile. I'm so thankful to God that I wont be as use to it in 9 days. I will still be deaf when I take the external processors off, but it won't be a permanent thing anymore.
This next one might sound alittle morbid, but bear with me. To be able to hear my kids cry. Wether it's cry in joy or pain or sadness. Like when they fall and hurt themselves. I can't run to them to comfort or save them. I have no clue that anything happened till either the other one comes running to me to tell me, or if there is someone else with me to tell me something has happened. This has caused me much heartache as a mother. This point as also made me extremely paranoid. And it may not be obvious to other people, but I always try to have my children within my eye-shot. They are literally never outta my eyesight for more than a couple of moments. The way our house is set up we have 3 steps separating our living room/kitchen area from the rest of our house. Well the way the doors are set up I can be in the kitchen and still see the kids upstairs in the hall and some of the bedroom. With all this in mind there are still times in those couple of moments they are outta my sight that "life happens".......somebody was running one direction but looking another, and forgot that there was a wall there, stuff like that. Unless I feel the thump I have no clue it happened unless someone comes running to me.
MY WORLD WILL CHANGE IN NINE DAYS.
Can you imagine. When I was younger and would play video games, it would drive me NUTS when my mom would make me mute the sound. I mean drive me nuts to the point that I would stop playing the game. Ok I am 31 years old and I LOVE my nintendo DS. I play alot of puzzle and word games. (Brain Age, Crosswords, Sudoku) It relaxes me. Of course I have never heard the sounds to these games. So will the reverse be true. Will I be able to play these games with the sound on. Only time will tell, IN NINE DAYS!!!!!!!
There is so much more that I want to say. But it must wait till tomorrow. It is very late and Jay is begging me to come to bed so he can sleep.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment