My Journey from silence to sound

My How The Time Just Flies

2009-10-23T20:51:00.000-07:00

Hi ya'll.....I have realized it has been quite a LOOOOOONG time since I have been here. As I have said before summer months are horribly busy for us. And now the summer has quickly turned to fall. My favorite season, by the way. And oh all the new sounds that this season brings. Leaves make this "skt skt" sound as they blow across the street. And they make this krinkalie sound when you step on them. It is SOOOOO cool!!!! I am also, very slowly mind you, starting to recognize more songs on the radio. They have to be ones that I have heard before, but I have gotten 2 right so far this week without Jay or Josie having to tell me what they are. I cant believe it has been 8 months since being activated. It seems like just yesterday. And even though it has been 8 months I find that I still find new sounds everyday. It is totally amazing.

And while I absolutely LOVE hearing again I sometimes find some things kinda still weird. Like watching television. Ok I dont usually get to watch tv till later in the evening. By this time in the day I cannot really understand alot (my audi says it's normal for some people to have trouble hearing later in the day due to fatigue, "brain is tired of sorting out sounds" kinda thing). Anyway, so when I watch tv I usually dont have my ears on and I just read the captions. Well the other day I happened to have time to watch a show during the day. And it was just kinda weird to be able to hear while watching tv. I know that sounds totally stupid, but I'm so use to not hearing it. Like on shows that we watch every week, I have an idea of what a character should sound like. Then when I watch the show with my ears on, the character sounds very different from what I'd imagined. I dont know, it's just kinda weird. :OP

Not much else is going on here. Toby did surprise me the other day. Josie LOVES teaching her little brother how to use sign language. I really didn't think much of it till the other day I was helping him get his "mud stomping boots" on to go outside. I had taken my ears off so I could slip on a hoodie to go outside, so I couldn't hear. Bubba realizing that I couldn't hear him signed "Mommy you beautiful" then he ran out the door to be with daddy and sissy. I couldn't believe what I had just seen. Oh yeah, I cried. Not only can I hear him say all these cool things, but the boy is learning to sign too. We still sign alot around here, and I hope that never changes. It's just been apart of us for so long that alot of times we speak and sign at the same time. He's gettin to the point where he can have alittle conversation without using words at all. Which is nice cause when my kids get shy, like in a crowd, they can still sign to me. Never in my mind would I have imagined deafness and learning to hear again would be apart of my life as an adult. But you know what, this is my life and I LOVE it. I love my family and friends and all the WONDERFUL sounds that this world has.

Fourth Of July Weekend

2009-07-07T10:00:00.000-07:00

Hi ya'll. Well the fourth of July has come and gone once again. It dosent seem like it should be this late in the year, and yet it is. Isn't it funny how when you are a kid time seems to go sooooo slow and now that we are adults the time just FLYS. Well it was a pretty interesting weekend. By the way FIREWORKS ARE LOOOOOUD!!!!!!!! Holy cow are they loud. On Friday night we went over to Jay's cousins house for some hamburgers, hot dogs and such. Well when the sun went down they started to light off some fireworks in the driveway. Ok, I LITERALLY fell outta my lawnchair. Scared the living crap outta me. Josie ran up to me and said "Oh mom hurry and take your ears off." Usually I just turn down my volume if things get too loud.....not this time, I took my ears off and they stayed off till well after they had ended the fireworks. Ok for those of you who are laughing their butt off cause I fell outta the lawnchair I want you to know that I am blowing rasberries at you as we speak.

Saturday started as a rainy, yucky day. We were out REALLY late on Friday night so everyone in the house slept till noon, which was really nice for a change. Then we got up and ate some lunch and hung around in our jammies till about 4 when we got a call from our pastor sayin they got a bunch of fish that they were fryin and asked us to come on up. So we all got dressed and went up there. Then we went to the fireworks in Effingham later that evening and since it was a misty evening they totally SUCKED! (pls excuse my french). They were awful!!! The kids, who arent very picky at all, thought they were just blah. They said the fireworks we set off at daddy's cousins were more exciting. I dont know if it was the weather or a lower budget this year but it wasn't worth the trip into Effingham.

Well the rest of the weekend we just kinda puttered around the house, which was nice for a change since the summer months are really busy around here.

The Kids.

2009-06-23T11:06:00.000-07:00

I thought since I have talked so much about my kids that I would try to post some picts so you can see who I am talking about. So here goes.

This is Josie. Our little june bug from buffalo.

And this is Toby. Our little monkey man from Alcatraz.

So there you have it.......now you can see the people that keep our lives from getting dull. They are a handfull but they sure are fun. :O)

Silly Songs And Whatnot

2009-06-17T09:18:00.000-07:00

Hi.......finally got a minute to sit down and post. This week has been VERY busy. We have vacation bible school at our church this week and my best friend is the director so we have been helping her with some of the details. And Jay and I are helpers in the classes so we have been quite busy with that. Also we are going to be going to be seeing our friends from Branson for the weekend. We are all meeting in St. Louis. This will be the first time I have seen them since I got my cochlear implants....so I'm excited to see what everyone sounds like.

I got my ears adjusted the other day and so things are MUCH better. Everyone was starting to sound hollow and Jay said that I was starting to talk louder, and my audi said that is a sign that I need to come see her.

I also had a wonderful silly hearing moment. It was GREAT. As I have said before we sing alot ALOT of silly songs in our house. Well I was downstairs and I could see the kids in the hallway dancing. So I stopped what I was doing and tried to focus on what they were singing. They were singing that Elvis/Ray Charles song "I gotta woman, WAY across town, she good to me, OOOOOOOOO YEAH" They sing it alittle slower and more bluesy than most people do. They were just singing, dancing, and clapping to the beat. It was soooo cute. And I got to hear it. I wonder what else I have missed in these 5 years. This is TOTALLY AWESOME!!!!!!

The Monkey Man Turns Three And I'm God's Comic Relief

2009-06-04T13:43:00.001-07:00

Hi ya'll,

Sorry it has been so long since I have posted. I promise to post more often. As you can guess from the title Toby turned 3 yesterday. It was AWESOME!!! Seems like yesterday I was toatin him around in my belly. Man has he grown. I put my ears on yesterday morning and all you could hear from the other room was "it me birf day.....it me birf day.......I'm free......I'm free (meaning three). Then he officially declared that he is now a man. I gave him a look and said WHAT!?!? to which he promptly replied with a scowl "Ok little man" :O)

Everything in the hearing world is coming along slow but sure. I still have some trouble with conversation, but surprisingly I'm getting most of it. Individual voices are just starting to come thru. Right now everyone sounds like they are talking in a well, but I have an adjustment appointment next week so maybe she can fix that. I'm so amazed everyday how I go from being totally stone deaf to hearing all in a matter of seconds when I put on my processors. When I get up in the mornings I dont put my "ears" on right away. I usually get the kids up, get a drink, go to the bathroom, and maybe do an odd little job before I ever get the chance to put them on. Well...Josie and Toby were watchin tv the other morning when evidently there was a knock at the door. Of course I didnt hear it or feel it. Well Josie looked out the window and saw it was the neighbor so she opened the door. (This is the neighbor that they call Grandpa so she knew it was safe to open the door.) Anyway she told him that mom doesn't have her ears on yet and that she would go get me. She came to me, got my attention, and signed the words door and grandpa. Well the neighbor could see all this from around the corner because of the way our house is set-up. He was so proud of how Josie being all of 6 1/2 can go from signing to talking. I am very proud of my kids. To them and Jay this is normal. And it's nice to know that while most other people look at you as odd or weird that with my family I am just normal mom. I know that may not have made sense to most, but try going thru walmart with 2 cochlear implants on in a rural farming community.

Speaking of Walmart. Here is a funny. Well it wasn't funny for me at the time, but Jay assures me it was funny. We were walking thru Walmart the other day and normally Toby dosent pay too much attention to the people around him. Well this day he was really paying attention to the people around us. And he realized that the people behind me were kind of staring. Not that I blame them, I'm sure it looks weird and I have no problem with people coming up and asking me questions. But anyway, all of a sudden Toby got this MAD look on his face and yelled, "It's mommie's ears, take a picture why dont ya" OH I WAS SO EMBARRASSED!!!!! So I turned around and apologized to the people and they of course smiled and said it was ok that he was just protecting me. Then they asked if it would be ok if they asked some questions. I said that would be ok and I answered them and we went on our way. As we were walkin away Toby yelled "NICE TO MEET YA, BUT NEXT TIME JUST ASK" Oh trust me folks God DOES have a sense of humor. And I must be his choice for comic relief.

Anyway, we are wanting to go to the HLAA (Hearing Loss Association of America) convention in Nashville Tennessee. The convention runs from June 18-21st. I know we wont be able to be there for the whole time, but we would at least like to make it one day. There will be booths set up with different products designed to make life alittle easier for people with hearing loss. There will be seminars and lunches and all kinds of goings on. I really hope we get to go and meet some of our friends from Hearing Journey.

What Am I Gonna Do With That Boy??

2009-05-10T09:02:00.001-07:00

Sorry it has been awhile since I have posted. We have been so busy around here but I really miss writing here. Not much is going on here other than waiting on the rain to stop so we can start planting. If I could just stop the rain for 2 weeks straight then we would be good.

Well I have learned that my son is smarter than what I give him credit for. My family is full of smart-alacks and this little one is no exception to the rule. The other day my best friend Linda was over here at my house and for some reason I was sitting on the floor. Well Toby came running up behind me and stubbed his toe. He promptly pulled off the disc part of my cochlear implants. Of course I couldn't hear what happened after that, but I saw Linda cover her mouth. So I put the disc back on and asked what happened. She said that after he pulled off my "ears" he said a word he's not saposta say. Well of course I had to get him in trouble, but I'm not sure the bad word was the thing that surprised me the most. It's the fact that my soon to be three year old had that whole thought process. "If I take mommies ears off she wont hear me say a word that I know that will get me in trouble" Only thing he didn't think of was the fact that Aunt Linda CAN hear. I'm not real sure I'm comfortable with a three year old bein that smart.

Hello...Hello Moto Moto.

2009-04-17T16:15:00.000-07:00

Hi all, it has been awhile since I have written in my blog. So here I am. Things are getting so busy around here. SPRING IS HERE!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOHOOOOO. I thought it would never come. Just a few short months ago I was looking forward to spring, but never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that I would hear spring. I can hear the birds. IT IS WONDERFUL!!!!! We are pretty busy around here trying to get things ready for our garden. It is still alittle to wet to plant yet, but it sure won't be long. Today the high was 72 and it was amazing to be able to drive with the windows down, although wind noise is still a HORRIBLE noise. You could smell the fresh cut grass. Needless to say we ALL have spring fever in this household. But along with spring comes allergy season. Now I dont have allergies, but everyone else here does, including the kids. On top of allergies Toby also has asthma, so we have a kinda love hate relationship with spring.

As far as my hearing it is going pretty good. I have had to have some electrodes in my right ear turned off cause they cause me to have an awful pain. But I go to the audiologist on the 21st of April and there is gonna be a representative from Advanced Bionics (the maker of my cochlear implants) there. She is gonna take a look and make sure that there isn't a problem with that device. I also hope she has some suggestions on how I can get those electrodes turned back on without causing pain. But even with all of that it is still pretty good. I am able to pick out a few more words during conversations and I had a WOW moment the other day. I can actually understand on my cell phone if the person on the other end talks slowly and clearly. It was AMAZING. I can understand better on my cell phone than I can on my CapTel phone.

Well you might be wondering about the title of this entry. It is actually a funny from our house. There is a movie called Madagascar 2. Well the hippo in the movie is called Moto Moto (the name so nice they say it twice). Well to hippo's it is sexy to be what they call CHUNKY. Anyway Toby walked up to me yesterday and said "Mommie I lub ewe, ewe are CHUNKY" Keep in mind when Toby says chunky his voice goes down like 4 octaves to a bass voice. I said "TOBY" And he said "But mommie I just think ewe are beauuuuuuuutiful." Now I ask how can you argue with that. And so in the mornings when I put my "ears" on for the day I always say something so I can tell if the volume is too loud and such. So now my new phrase is "Hello....Hello....Moto Moto."

More Wonderful Everyday Life

2009-04-06T15:42:00.000-07:00

Hi all......It has been a little over a month since I have been activated. BOY WHAT A MONTH!!!!! I am hearing and understanding new things everyday. One really cool thing is that when I read the captions on the television I can pick out some of the words. If I'm not reading the captions though it just sounds like random noise. But I just cant believe that I can pick out some words on the tv.

Also the other day we were comming home from a friends house and we came to a stop sign in the country. Jay rolled down the window and shut off the car. I said "what in the world are you doin????" He said "Listen.....can you hear that????" It took me a moment, but I DID hear something. It was really low pitch and it was kinda cool......I asked him what it was and he said that it was frogs. We all started laughin and we ended up sitting there for quite awhile. Most people would say that this was silly, but it really was quite an experience. Often times it's the little things in life.

Another thing that has given me great joy lately is being able to hear the kids play-argue with me. I might have to explain that one. It's mainly playful name calling. Like I will call one of them a boogie-picker, and they will answer back, well then your a toe-jam-licker, well then you are an arm-pit-smeller, well you are a snot-sucker, and so on and so forth. It is really quite comical. Now keep in mind this is all in good fun and they know that they can only call people names like that when they are playing this particular game. We have played this game forever, but now that i'm able to hear it, it brings on a whole new meaning. Sometimes I feel almost like a child again discovering my new world. Words cannot express the amazment of all the sounds in my world.

Jay came up behind me last night right before we went to bed and whispered in my ear "I love you baby" I understood what he said. To most this is just a trivial happening, but it is not that simple to me. I actually heard and completly understood what he had said. Jay didn't have to face me so i could read his lips, he didnt have to use sign language to tell me this. He just came up behind me and said it. Now that is what I call a WOW moment!!!!!

Summer Is Almost Here

2009-04-01T10:35:00.000-07:00

Well.....not much is goin on here lately. Summer is right around the corner and summer is always VERY busy for us. We always put out a six acre garden with my best friend and her family. It is very time consuming, but always well worth it. So right now I am looking for some good deals on seeds. I think this year I'm gonna put out some tomatoes, peas, potatoes, zucchini, green beans, corn, and maybe some lettuce. I LOVE to garden, well actually this is more like farming, but none the less I love doing it. It really makes me feel good to do this for my family. Jay killed two deer this year so with that and the garden we should be really good for next winter. My kids also LOVE going up to "the farm." We live in town so I hafta keep a close eye on them when they are outside here at home. Well....when we go to the farm they can run, frolic and play to there little ole hearts content. Josie also likes to help me plant seeds and plants while Bubbie (Toby) loves to sit at the edge of the garden and play in the dirt. Needless to say we all have a bit of spring fever around here. I thought for sure there would be no more cold cold weather coming, but I just checked the weather forecast and we are gonna have some cold weather heading this way in the next couple of days. Highs in the 30's again. YUUUUUUCK!!!!! Oh well, at least we know that summer isn't that far off.

What A Day.

2009-03-25T17:53:00.000-07:00

Boy it has been quite a day. By that I mean a LOOOOOONG day. I have been runnin since I got up this morning. Toby had a doctors appointment this morning and they decided they wanted him to have an x-ray of his belly. So I came home to let the kids run around for a minute, potty, and have a snack. Then we went in to Effingham (about 12 miles away) to go to the hospital for an x-ray. Well it was an interesting experience to say the least. But it was quite comical.

Ok, Toby is a very outgoing 2 1/2 year old, and he is very sociable, under certain conditions. If he knows you he is quite the jabber-box. If he dosent know you he is still quite friendly, but he is very cautious, borderline shy.

Well, we got to the hospital and he was entertaining all of the older people in the registration area and everything was fine. Well then the x-ray tech came for us. I went to school with this guy and he graduated with my sisters class, so we made small talk on the way back to the x-ray room. Toby was still happy as a lark. THEN we step into the x-ray room where there are big machines and 3 other people. Toby decided that the safest place was to be behind me hanging on to my shirt. So we get him to stand where they needed him to stand and then they moved the machine closer to him. This was not so kosher. He started to cry. Well we remembered that he had jeans on with a metal snap. So the x-ray tech asked Toby if he could pull his pants down for a minute. Toby promptly replied "ahhhhh no, I dont know you." Well we got a good laugh outta that, then I helped him pull his pants down, which led to more crying. So then we had to lay him on the x-ray table. Toby didn't have his pants on and I know that table was COLD! More crying ensued. Finally we were all done. The x-ray tech came out from behind the wall and helped Toby pull his pants up and try to make friends with him. Toby looked at him and said in a rather stern way "THAT WAS NOT NICE!!! I'M GONNA TELL MY MEMAW!!!!!" We started to laugh and the x-ray tech said "I know your memaw and I dont think she will get mad at me." Toby glared at him and said "WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT." We all busted out laughing. Well then we went to leave and I said Toby aren't you gonna thank him for helping us. He promptly said "Well no!!!!" I told him he really needed to so he looked at the floor and said "Sure....thanks, but I'm still tellin Memaw." This was quite an adventure.

So we FINALLY got home and got settled down and by that time it was late in the afternoon and Jay walked in from work. So like always the kids were bouncin offa the walls hollerin DADDY DADDY DADDY......Jay was tryin to talk to me, the dog was barkin, and the phone was ringing. I have had my cochlears for about 3 weeks now and I have never done this yet, but this evening I had no choice. I looked at Jay and said dude I need a break and I took off my processors for about 20 minutes. I swore to myself that I would never do that, but I just couldn't take it all in anymore. So I took off my ears, went out on the porch and regrouped my thoughts.

I have been waiting to hear for so long I never imagined that I would want to take off my processors. I feel kinda guilty. Here I have been waiting for so long to hear all the good and bad sounds, and it just got to be too much at that particular moment. I must admit that there have been other times that I have been overwhelmed, but I never took off my ears. I guess I shouldn't yell at myself too much, maybe I'm over thinking this.

New Program..HOLY COW...What a difference

2009-03-21T11:13:00.000-07:00

I went to my audiologist yesterday and I must admit when I first went in I was more than alittle frustrated. Background noise was overwhelming, my voice was WAY WAY WAY louder than anything else, even though people assured me that I was almost whispering, and when people spoke it was like they were mumbling. I started with my appointment almost in tears. She told me to chill out and she would play with the programming.

So she told me that there are 2 different ways to fire the electrodes. They can fire the electrodes one at a time really really fast. This is called sequential or an S program. This is an older way of doing it. They also have where they fire them in pairs really really really fast. This is called Paired or P program. This is the newer way of doing it. Neither one is right or wrong, but one way may work for one person and the other way for another person. Well she has always had me on paired (P program) and she switched to S program to see what I thought. HOLY COW PEOPLE. This was making things better right off the bat. Then she said she wanted to try something else. I was also on what they call Hi-fidelity-120. Which is one of the newest things also. I'm not sure I can explain Hi-fidelity-120 yet but for all you technical people out there I will get more info and let ya know the difference. Well she changed me from that to what she called Hi-def. WOW!!

Now dont get me wrong......i still cannot make out all speech, and everyone still sounds like chipmunks, BUT it is not as overwhelming as it was before. It is easier to make out words in speech, and it's like my brain isn't trying to fight the sounds. It's able to absorb the signals of sound rather than fight the overload of sound. IT IS QUITE AWESOME. Now it is also easier to do my listening homework and I know that my brain is adjusting faster cause after only one day I am on the loudest program she gave me and at the highest volume. This is a good thing. Although now that my brain is adjusting faster, I already need louder programs so I will hafta call her tomorrow and bump up my appointment.

The coolest thing that happened this morning is I asked Josie to go downstairs and see what Toby was doin. She came up behind me and said "Mama he is sitting on the floor playin and watching tv." She was BEHIND me and I HEARD her say that!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO!!!!! I told her thank you and she left the room, I started to cry. Her voice is still a chipmunk, but I understood what my girlie said without lookin at her!

I Really Like My Free-Lance Job, Except for Franklin County

2009-03-18T15:41:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if I had said this before but I do some free-lance work for a mortgage company. I collect statistical information from mortgages and deeds and upload them to my boss. I do have a boss, but as long as I meet my deadlines (or tell them to extend my deadlines when needed), she dosent care when I work or in what order. I usually work on Fridays since Jay usually has Fridays off. He works 10 hour shifts during the week so they dont work on Fridays unless they are on overtime. This not only gives him some much welcome one-on-one time with the kids, it also gives me a break. And I ABSOLUTELY LOVE data entry work.

Anyway all of my work is done at the county clerks offices, which are normally located in the court house. I service 11 counties in my area. They range from 12 miles to 100 miles away from my house. Most are your run of the mill county courthouses. They all have security at the front door, but I'm in and out so much that they all know me by name, and most of my family by name as well. Some of these police officers I have actually went to school with, or many of them know my parents or grandparents. Since I have been doing this for awhile everyone knows that I'm deaf and they are usually good about facing me when speaking and talk clearly. I usually have absolutely no problem going thru security. They look thru my purse and my backpack that I carry my computer in while usually me and the sheriff's officer joke and catch up on what's goin on with each others families. This is the norm, EXCEPT when I go to Franklin County Illinois. This isn't a county court house this is a federal court house. Why they don't have the county offices in a separate building from the federal court house is beyond me. Anyway, that particular security guard and I DO NOT work well together.

Now my parents taught me from a very young age about respect. Respect your elders and all who are in authority. Even if you do not agree with them, they at least deserve a certain amount of respect. Answer yes sir/no sir, don't sass, and watch your mouth kinda thing. They AT LEAST deserve this amount of respect. Also when it comes to authority figures, law enforcement and fire fighters, have an additional rule. Never joke around UNLESS number one you actually personally know the person and number two they KNOW that you are joking around. And I totally agree with this teaching.

Well,,,,,one day I forgot this lesson and I pay for it every time I go to work in Benton. Ok, the way the downtown of Benton is set up the courthouse sits in the middle and the road around it is in a circle. Off of this circle there are 6 different roads that go in different directions all around the circle. NO ONE HAS A STOP SIGN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And no one, including semi trucks, stops. And on top of that all of the intersections are blind corners, you literally cannot see what is coming till it is almost to late. This dosen't seem to bother anyone else cause they are all doing this a breakneck speed. So one day I was running late, almost got hit twice on the circle, and I forgot that I cannot bring my txt phone into this particular court house. So I go thru the metal dector, and it always goes off because of my computer. So like always they search thru my stuff. This is normal and I'm use to this. Well this particular security guard must have been having a bad day and promptly said "do you know the concept of no cell phones?" I totally forgot whom I was addressing and without thinking I said "do you know the concept of placing stop signs when 2 roads intersect?" Needless to say, this is not my favorite court house to visit.

With all this said most of my other counties know that I now have cochlear implants and that I cannot go thru the metal dectors. They are fine with this as long as they can still search my belongings when I come in, which is not a problem for me. Well since I'm not as close to this security guard as I am the others, I forgot to tell her that I can no longer go thru the metal dector. And guess which county is due Friday. I think that since I have an appointment with my audiologist in Champaign on Friday I will call my boss and have her extend the deadline on this county and just work in another county when I'm done with my appointment. But I know that I'm gonna hafta face this county soon.

Just An Update

2009-03-17T19:10:00.000-07:00

Hi ya'll. It has been 12 days since my activation. Things are going good, although aggravating at times. Right now background noise is still EXTREMELY loud and voices are chipmunks. It's still really hard to make out speech. It's like everyone is mumbling. The wonderful and EXTREMELY frustrating part is that I can hear the buttons on Jay's phone clicking across the room when he is txt'ing......yet I cannot make out speech as well. But I am assured by all of my friends that have done this before me that this is normal and it will get better. I sure hope so.

At first I could make out what Jay was saying to me when he was standing behind me. Now I have to be looking at him. I will say one good thing, lipreading isn't as taxing as it use to be. And another COOL thing is that I can hear and make out Toby yelling MAMA when he is upstairs and I am downstairs. That is WAY COOL!!!!!! Even with all the frustrations of learning to hear again if I had it to do all over again I would do it all again, without a doubt. I know that this will all get better. Even if I never got more than I have now it is ALL worth it. I can tell when someone is talking, I can't make out much of what they are saying right now without lipreading, but I know that someone is speaking.

Oh and another cool yet frustrating thing that happened yesterday. I was outside with Jay and I kept hearing this little sound. I couldn't make out what it was so I stopped what I was doin and I concentrated on the sound. After a minute I could make out the "cheep cheep" sound. It was a bird. I was so amazed I cried. I cried number one cause I ACTUALLY HEARD a bird. Number two I cried cause I can hear a bird, yet can't understand most speech yet. I also heard the phone ring from upstairs yesterday. I have a captioning phone and you can set the ringer to what Jay calls an earsplitting ring. Evidently it is very loud. Anyway I was upstairs putting away the day's laundry and when the lights flashed I heard a sound with it (my lights flash when the phone rings, doorbell rings, fire alarm goes off, etc). I was so amazed that after that phone call I called my mom and made her call me back just so I could hear the phone ring again......LOL.

This journey of mine is frustrating at times, but it is all worth it and time can only make it better.

Just a Short Update

2009-03-12T10:41:00.000-07:00

Hi all. Things are good here. I have noticed that I have had to turn up my processors quite often lately and now I'm on the highest volume on the loudest program. And so I called my audiologist and she said that I need to come in to be reprogrammed. So tomorrow we will be heading up to Champaign. I'm anxious to see if we can fix some problems I have been having. For instance, background noise isn't in the background. So when I talk to someone their speech is ok, but background noise is WAY LOUD!!!!! My voice is extremely loud to me, even though Jay assures me that I'm talking quietly. Everyone is still has a chipmunk voice. Wind does have a sound and it is AWFUL!!!!!!! But I'm wearing the processors from the time I wake up till the time I go to bed, and I'm doing my listening practice homework so all is well here. Oh by the way we got a new member of our family the other day. She is a Shih-a-poo. 8weeks old. She is VERY much a lap dog and she loves attacking the kids when they lay on the floor. Her name is Daisy and hopefully soon I will post a picture for ya'll

This is Totally AMAZING

2009-03-07T07:34:00.000-08:00

WOW......EVERYTHING makes a noise. Things still sound really weird, but they said everything would at first so i'm not worried. Everyone sounds really robotic right now, but that will change. I sound like a chipmunk right now. Not just any chipmunk, do you remember alvin and the chipmunks the cartoon?? The one when we were kids. I sound like Theodore. It's HILAROUS!!!! Some sounds are more annoying to me right now than others. Trains are HORRABLE. But did you know that velcro makes this really COOL sound. I didn't even remember it making a sound. But it is WAY COOL!!!! If you blow into a plastic soda bottle just right it makes this kinda low pitch noise that is way awesome. Things still sound really weird right now, but they are getting better by the hour. I'm gonna try to post my activation video, as soon as I can figure out how to get the video from the dvd i recorded it on to get on my computer. This is just so awesome I can hardly put it into words.

This is it. Tomorrow is the day.

2009-03-04T12:14:00.000-08:00

In 19 hours I will be among the hearing world again. I'm extremely happy but also EXTREMELY nervous. I got a call from audiologist a few minutes ago and she asked if some students can observe my activation. They will be in a totally separate room and she said that I wont even know that they are there. For some reason they are really wanting these students to watch my activation. I said that it is ok, although I hope I dont see them cause I'm afraid that I will feel like a lab rat. But I do understand that these people are trying to learn how to help people so I guess it's ok with me.

I really didn't think I would be this nervous. What if I dont like hearing the world. I was talking to my mom about this earlier and she kinda laughed and said "DUH when it gets to be too much take your ears off for a few minutes." In all of my fretting I forgot that I will still be deaf. If it's gets to be too much at times I can just take the processors off. I love my mom. She has helped me thru countless trials in my life. She has a very down-to-earth way about her and she is not easily flustered. I thank the good Lord that when he decided who should be my parents He choose my mom and dad.

Josie and Toby are LITERALLY jumpin off the walls today. They are so excited. I dont think Toby fully understands whats goin on, but he is quite happy to celebrate with us. Josie has a whole list of things she wants me to hear. She said this morning, "Mommie, will I be able to whisper in your ear and you understand me?" I said well sure. It may take awhile for mommie to be able to understand what you are sayin, but in time I will be able to understand. She started dancin around goin "OH YEAH, OH YEAH, MAMA'S GONNA HEAR, OH YEAH OH YEAH."

Well I have quite alot of things to get ready for tomorrow. I probably wont be able to post till after my activation so wish me luck.

Nervous Rambling and Tryin to Figure Out How To Post Picts and Video on Here

2009-03-03T10:19:00.000-08:00

Talk about nerves. I'm so nervous. I will hear the day after tomorrow. DAY AFTER TOMORROW!!!!!!! HOLY COW, where did the time go. I'm speechless....(and for anyone who knows me well knows that is no small feat.) Josie is so excited. She just can't believe that mom will be able to hear on Thursday. I've been on YouTube replaying some cochlear implant activation videos. I know alot of them from the Hearing Journey forum. Even though some aren't captioned I still get alot out of the videos just from lipreading and seeing facial expressions. I'm not scared like I was with surgery......I'm just more of a curious kinda nervous. I know 5 years really isn't that long of a time period, but in a way it seems like a lifetime. 5 years since I have heard a peep. Even then I was wearing hearing aids so my hearing wasn't all that good then, but it was something.

I wonder what my June Bug (Josie) sounds like. We were having a silly moment today where we were just singing and dancin and goofin off while I was unloading the dishwasher. Jay says she sings really well. Before I became deaf I had was is known as "perfect pitch". I basically taught myself how to play the guitar as a young child. My aunt taught me the different chords, but after I learned where to put my fingers, I could play music "by ear" meaning I could hear a song once and within a few minutes I would be playing that tune on my guitar. I could tune a guitar with just listening to the piano. I miss those days. But anyway back to what we were really talkin about, Jay says Josie has "perfect pitch." He says when she sings a song off the radio she can either sing the lead part, or when she chooses she will sing the alto part. THAT'S MY BABY YA'LL!!!!!!! I can't wait to hear her. And to finally understand some of the songs that she sings offa the radio.

Josie is very understanding about my deafness. Partly because she is a very smart girlie. And second because about a few months ago she was really gettin frustrated about having to repeat something to me and she just threw up her hands and said "NEVERMIND" At that point I had had it. So the next day I did alittle experiment with her. I have done this experiment with some other people who have been frustrated with me not understanding conversation and it did wonders. So I asked her if she wanted to be hard of hearing for a day. I told her she wouldn't be deaf like mommie, but it would be very hard for her to hear so she can kinda see what it's like for mommie. She just having turned 6 years old said "bring it on mom." So I got a pack of the squishie earplugs (Jay works in a factory and hasta wear earplugs....sometimes he accidently brings some unused one's home) Then we borrowed daddy's gun muffs (these are like the old style stereo headphones but they cancel out most noise) So I put the earplugs in her ears, then put the gun muffs on her ears. She had to wear these all day. Well I made her last from 10am to about 5pm. Keep in mind that she is a very good lipreader, and if you dont believe me you should ask her PaPaw. He plays games with her without using his voice, just moving his lips. He is extreamly hard of hearing but he doesn't have the ability to lipread. So he thinks it's EXTREAMLY important for her and Toby to learn lipreading in case they ever need it. I have a smart dad. It also helps that when they get in trouble I dont say "Look me in the eyes" I say "Look at my Lips." Anyway, she kept saying huh......what was that.......say again. She got TOTALLY upset with the tv and just walked away from it. She couldn't understand why toby would after awhile of trying to tell her somethin he would just say nevermind and just walk off. Well I felt bad for her cause by 5pm she was in tears. Ever since then she doesn't mind repeating things to mommie. I felt like a horrible mom, but it was the only way I knew to make her understand.

I'm not sure why I told that story, but I have already typed it and there must be a reason so I'm not gonna delete it.

I cant wait to hear her sing. And I can't wait to hear the Monkey Man from Alcatraz (Toby). I wanna hear him yell at Josie. He gets the cutest angry face I have ever seen and he will proceed to let sissy know what's on his mind. I want to hear that. I want to hear Jay say "hey baby" as he walks in the door from work. I see him say it everyday. I want to hear it. I want to hear running water. I want to hear Yoyo Ma play the chello again. I want to hear the song I had sung to my hubbie at my wedding (And I Love You So by Don Mclean).

I am also trying to figure out how to post pictures and video on this blog. Jay will be video taping my activation and I thought I would post it on here. IF I can figure out how to do that. So if anyone has the know how I would sure appreciate it.

We will see what the hearing world is like in 37 hours. Heaven help me.

Nope gonna hafta wait. And more rambling.

2009-02-23T18:00:00.001-08:00

Well I called my audiologist today and she said I hafta wait the FULL 3 weeks after surgery to be activated. She said that even if I dont feel some of the swelling, it's still there and if I want my activation to go smoothly I will hafta wait. BUMMER. Oh well....I tried. My activation date is exactly 3 weeks to the day after my surgery. I can hardly wait. It kinda feels like bein in a NASCAR race, 3 laps away from the win, and they postpone the end of the race till another day. But I really can't complain. It's only 9 more days.

Keep in mind that I'm not complaining or anything like that. I'm just rambling stray thoughts now.

Oh the world in 9 days. Will it be just the way I remember it?? Will it just be all beeps and clicks till my brain re-learns to hear?? Will it be a combination of the two. Is the world really as noisy as everyone tells me it is?? I so wanna hear my son. Don't get me wrong I want to hear my whole family and actually EVERYTHING in the world. But I have never once heard that boy. My lights would flash in the night-time when he would wake up crying, telling me he needed a bottle. He forms alot of his words now so I can get the jist of what he is saying. I was on cloud nine the first time I saw him say "I lub ewe mommie." Oh but to HEAR him say it. We have alot of silly sayings in our house. Josie is our "June Bug from Buffalo".......and Toby is our "Monkey Man from Alcatraz." They go around the house saying these silly sayings that mommie and daddy have taught them. Silly songs. Silly phrases. Words that we know they cannot possibly pronounce correctly just to see (or in Jay's case hear) what will come out of their mouth when they try. Sometimes Toby's brain will get ahead of his mouth. You can see the wheels in his mind spinning, but all he can do is stand there and say "um um um um um." It is quite comical at times cause he will continue saying "um" until you say "Toby slow down" I see all this daily life around me. Oh how my heart actually aches to HEAR them say these things. To HEAR them say mommie. To HEAR the kids erupt in laughter after someone unexpectedly burps. To hear the kids squeal in delight when we scare them from around the corner of the bedrooms. To hear the sweet nothings whispered in my ear from my hubbie. To hear my guitar again. To finally put a voice to people whom I have met in the last 5 years, but have never heard. To hear a car passing by before I see it. To hear my parents again. To hear the fire whistle from the fire station up the road again.

To hear the quiet again. Ok I may hafta explain that one. There is a difference between quiet and deafness. It's hard to explain, but there is a difference. The only analogies that I can think of is like to me quiet is like when you are in the country, no city noise, no cars. Just muted bugs noise and....well....just quiet. And deafness is being in a place that you know has alot of noise, but you hear nothing. It's really hard for me to explain this. I don't hear the quiet anymore. I just hear deafness. Quiet is enjoyable. Deafness is almost sickening at times. It sometimes feels like everything and everyone in the whole universe is in fast forward, and I am 2 speeds slower than everyone else. You get use to it after awhile. I'm so thankful to God that I wont be as use to it in 9 days. I will still be deaf when I take the external processors off, but it won't be a permanent thing anymore.

This next one might sound alittle morbid, but bear with me. To be able to hear my kids cry. Wether it's cry in joy or pain or sadness. Like when they fall and hurt themselves. I can't run to them to comfort or save them. I have no clue that anything happened till either the other one comes running to me to tell me, or if there is someone else with me to tell me something has happened. This has caused me much heartache as a mother. This point as also made me extremely paranoid. And it may not be obvious to other people, but I always try to have my children within my eye-shot. They are literally never outta my eyesight for more than a couple of moments. The way our house is set up we have 3 steps separating our living room/kitchen area from the rest of our house. Well the way the doors are set up I can be in the kitchen and still see the kids upstairs in the hall and some of the bedroom. With all this in mind there are still times in those couple of moments they are outta my sight that "life happens".......somebody was running one direction but looking another, and forgot that there was a wall there, stuff like that. Unless I feel the thump I have no clue it happened unless someone comes running to me.

MY WORLD WILL CHANGE IN NINE DAYS.

Can you imagine. When I was younger and would play video games, it would drive me NUTS when my mom would make me mute the sound. I mean drive me nuts to the point that I would stop playing the game. Ok I am 31 years old and I LOVE my nintendo DS. I play alot of puzzle and word games. (Brain Age, Crosswords, Sudoku) It relaxes me. Of course I have never heard the sounds to these games. So will the reverse be true. Will I be able to play these games with the sound on. Only time will tell, IN NINE DAYS!!!!!!!

There is so much more that I want to say. But it must wait till tomorrow. It is very late and Jay is begging me to come to bed so he can sleep.

I have my taster back

2009-02-22T17:10:00.000-08:00

Hi all...One of the side effects to having cochlear implant surgery is that sometimes they touch a nerve that controls the tasting ability in your tongue. This is a minor thing, but it affects they way things taste. It is a temporary thing so dont freak out, it only last for a week or two. It also effects different people different ways. In my case it felt like EVERYTHING I put in my mouth was burning my tongue. Even drinking water had this effect. It was very annoying. Well this morning I realized that I could taste again. YIPEE.........I CAN TASTE MY MT DEW AGAIN!!!!! And I can eat again and not have by tongue feel like it's on fire.

Today was also the first time I could comfortably wear my glasses again. What a relief!!! I can now sit in my comfy spot on the wrap-around couch and see the captions on the tv again. And it is so much easier to lip-read when I can see the person. So overall this has been quite an awesome day for me.

I also think that tomorrow I'm gonna call my audiologist and see if I can move my activation date up. I know the answer will probably be no, but hey it cant hurt to try. My incisions feel much much better and I am quite anxious to hear. Or at least be on my way to retraining my brain to hear. Keep your ears crossed that they will let me move my appt up to this Thursday instead of the next Thursday. I will let ya know.

I am now a bionic woman

2009-02-14T20:46:00.000-08:00

Surgery is FINALLY over with. I don't remember alot about the day itself. I do know that I didnt sleep at all the night before surgery. Not even a wink. I had to be at the hospital at 6:15am and I know that I had literally been up for 22 hours straight. I remember walking into the hospital and I remember talking to Jay and our pastor and his wife. After that not much of anything.

So now it's 2 days later and I am EXTREMELY SORE!!!!! Sometimes I have some sharp pains where my incisions are, but mostly it's just a nagging soreness, which I'm told is completely normal. I have been sleeping in the recliner so I can keep my head elevated. I'm hoping in a few days I will feel much better and be able to go back to sleeping in my nice warm bed. If I can get past this sore throat (probably sore from the breathing tube they put down your throat while your in surgery) and the soreness in my head I will have it made.

I just can't believe that in a few short weeks I will be able to hear again. I was afraid that the next few weeks would drag on forever, but I'm not to worried about it now. By the time I feel 100% again it will be time to get my external processors.

Tomarrow is THE DAY

2009-02-11T09:34:00.000-08:00

Well....I'm takin a moment to post here cause this will probably be the last time I'm able to before surgery tomorrow. Jay took today off to help me make sure everything is in order around here. My best friend Linda and her hubby and kids are gonna be watchin the kids for us tomorrow. I'm so nervous I just want tomorrow to be over with. I just keep tellin myself tomorrow is the worst of it. After that it's all uphill. The worryin is about over.

Two days to go....this is getting interesting folks..

2009-02-10T15:06:00.000-08:00

Two more days to go. I'm so incredibly nervous. I've gotten the house in as much order as you can with 2 kids and a hubbie runnin about. I hope I have remembered all the suggestions that my friends on hearing journey have given me. I'm excited that the day is finally here......but I worry about surgery. My biggest hopes right now are

1) The implants can be inserted without an complications.

2) That I don't get vertigo.

3) That I dont experience to bad of tinnitus (that is ringing or phantom nosies in your head).

4) That I dont ralph in recovery.

5) That I have everything ready at home.

It felt like this day would never come, now I'm like HOLY CRAP where did the time go.
But on the bright side, the worst part of this whole adventure will be on Thursday. After that it's all uphill from there. And in a few short weeks (hopefully this time will pass quickly) I will be hearing again. I keep tellin myself that these few days of surgery and recovery is well worth it to be able to hear again.

Josie is really excited that they are finally gonna give me "my ears". She's not quite sure why I wont be able to hear right away......but she knows that they must do this before I can hear. She is very excited that she will help daddy take care of mommie and Toby. This part is gonna be hard for me. I'm use to bein able to take care of everyone's needs. You women out there know what I'm talkin about. Mommie where are my shoes.......mommie i need a drink......mommie I lost my sock.......honey where are my keys........honey do I have any clean underwear. I'm not sure I can "just sit" and not be up takin care of things.

But we will find out all the answers to these questions in less than 48 hours. This is gettin interestin folks. :0)

One week to go......oh my.

2009-02-05T11:28:00.001-08:00

Hey.....7 days from now my surgery will be over with and I should be in the recovery room. I'm so nervous I could spit. I'm tryin to get my house all in order so it wont be a mess when I get home. And right now it seems like the more I work on the house the messier it gets. I'm driving myself nuts. Josie is worried about surgery. She wants to go up with us. I wish I could let her, but we hafta get up REALLY early to get to the hospital on time, and if she is there she will just worry. She is quite the worry wort for being all of 6 years old.

I wander what the world sounds like. I have seen other people say that when you have your external processor and finally get your "ears turned on" that it is extremely noisy. I wonder if things will sound the way I remember. Well I have to say I really don't remember alot about what things sound like. I know that sounds silly.....but it's true. I dont remember what Jay sounds like or anyone else for that matter. I just wanna hear it.

If I can just get thru surgery and recovery everything else will be uphill. I know I'm just rambling....but I just cant help myself.

Ten more days.

2009-02-01T12:23:00.000-08:00

Well....It's finally Febuary. Barely. Ten more days and I will be heading to Carle Hospital for my surgery. It seems far away, but I have SOOOO many things to do to get the house and everyone ready. I'm sure the time will just FLY by. Tomarrow I'm gonna start some serious extra cleaning on the house. I'm gonna try to do spring cleaning early so the house will be in tip top shape and mabe I wont worry about it so much. I'm not sayin Jay can't take care of the house. But sometimes men and women have a different opinions about housecleaning and as all women know we all have our own certin querks about how things should be done around the house. So I figure if I get everything in order I can just let Jay take over till I'm 100% again.

We went to town yesterday and I got some things that I know we will need after surgery. Hydrogen Peroxide.....button down shirts (so I wont hafta pull shirts over my head since I'm sure it will be sore for awhile)......neck pillow.......and such and so forth. It really hit me yesterday that this is really gonna happen. In alittle over a month I will get my processors and I will hear.

I have been worryin alot lately........this is kinda normal for me......but I've been a bit more worrysome than usual, or so Jay says. What if I get my hearing and it's too much? Will it ever seem normal? Will my brain even be able to relearn to hear? I know these sound like such silly questions, but they are valid questions. I'm not very good with change, good or bad. Dont get me wrong I cope and adapt, and after awhile the changes become normal to me and things calm down again. Four years ago I had no clue how I was ever gonna be able to function in my life as a deaf person. But over time I learned little tricks to help me get by and then these little tricks became apart of my normal life. Like well placed mirrors around the house give me a heads up when someone's behind me. And I know that hearing with a cochlear implant isn't "normal" hearing. Now don't get me wrong, I DO want to hear again......even if it is a bit different from normal hearing.........I guess I'm just worrying about everything right now.

A chance meeting in Walmart

2009-01-25T09:46:00.000-08:00

I met an amazing woman in Walmart the other day. Jay, the kids, and I were all just doin our normal shopping when suddenly Jay nudged me and pointed out this woman shopping with her husband. She had a cochlear implant!!! I was like WOW!!!!! I live in a mostly rural area of Illinois and this is something you don't see everyday. Effingham is the closest town around here that we consider major. Effingham has a population of 12,000 people. We live 14 miles away from Effingham. The next closest big cities include St Louis (about 1 1/2 hrs away) or Terre Haute Indiana (about an hour away). Other than that we are all little farming communities. Most people around here have no earthly idea what a cochlear implant is. So I got my nerve up and I went to talk to her. She was extremely friendly and helpful. She had the EXACT same surgeon and audiologist that I will have. She really set my mind at ease. She even showed my children her processor and magnet. Josie asked her some questions and she answered all of them. It was just amazing. I have been kinda worried about surgery, but after talking to all my loving friends on Hearing Journey and this kind lady at walmart I'm not quite as nervous. Isn't it great how God brings you the people you need the most at just the right time.

I have the dates....WOOOOHOOOO

2009-01-21T10:09:00.000-08:00

I'm soo excited. My audiologist called today and said since my cochlear implant surgery is on Feb 12th she wanted to go ahead and make my activation appointment for March 5th. This is the day they will put the processors on and I will be able to hear for the first time in 4 years. Surgery and activation seem so far away, I'm almost convinced they dates will never come. But WOW I HAVE THE ACTUAL DATES!!!!! She set the activation earlier in the day so we will have plenty of time since we will be programming both ears. This all seems like a dream. After the call I was laughing and cryin and dancin. Josie asked me if I was ok, I showed her on the calender and told her that is the day mommie will be able to hear again. It may take awhile for my brain to understand what it's hearing, but I will hear. She was sooooooo excited. She wants to make her own special calender to count down the days. So 2day in art class (I homeschool) we are gonna make a special calender.

Can you imagine actually being able to hear. I can't remember what my hubby sounds like. I'm sure Josie's voice has changed. I wonder what Toby sounds like. In my mind I associate Toby's voice with mickey mouse. Now I know that's probably not what he sounds like, but since I've never heard him in my mind that is what he should sound like. I just wanna hear EVERYTHING.

I want to hear my kids argue in another room. I know I know....other people have said the same thing you are thinkin right now.....You are crazy. But just to hear them. I want to hear them laugh...cry....argue...squeal in delight.....sneeze....snore....EVERYTHING. I want to HEAR Jay (my hubbie) say I love you. I want to hear all the things that I have forgotten make noise.

I know this post is mostly just me rambling.......but can you imagine....CAN YOU IMAGINE!!!Just hearing. It sounds so simple to most. An everyday occurrence. But after four years of total deafness.....all I can say is can you imagine. What do I sound like?? My babies can call for mama from another room and I can answer them. No more headaches from straining to lipread everyone. Knowing that everyone is more comfortable around me knowing that they won't hafta repeat everything 20 MILLION times. OH WOW....I could go to the movie theater. Jay wont hafta miss parts of conversations because he hasta repeat to me what was just said.

CAN YOU IMAGINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

The big waiting and worrying game

2009-01-12T09:25:00.000-08:00

I just called the financial aid guy at the hospital and he said that both of my insurances have come thru. So as far as the financial part of my surgery it is all set up. That takes one worry off of my mind. I'm so excited and incredibly nervous all at the same time.

Excitement dosent even begin to describe what I'm feeling. I get to daydreaming sometimes and I will tell people can you imagine being able to hear this or that. Of course they smile and say yes Bobbi but you dont realize how annoying some of these things are. They are very happy that I will be able to hear again, but on the other hand they really dont understand. It's been 4 year since I have heard ANYTHING, and even then my hearing wasn't the best. I haven't heard Josie (my daughter) since she was 2 years old (she is now 6). And Toby (my son) is 2 years old and I have never heard him. I really dont remember what anyone sounds like. And can you imagine being able to hear music again. I know it will take time, but HELLO actually being able to hear music. I come from a VERY musical family. They mainly taught me country music, but as I got older I fell in love with all kinds of music. I would listen to everything from classical to rap and EVERYTHING in between. I really miss my music. I hope to one day be able to hear my guitar again. I've played since I was 6 years old.

One of my main concerns is sleeping after surgery. I know alot of people just lay on the opposite side of the implant and it's not a major problem. But since I will have both ears done at the same time this may be a problem. My husband and I have a TempurPedic bed and pillows (memory foam) and I'm hoping this will help. I've heard that some people have surgery and then the next day they are back to normal. And then I've heard other stories where it takes quite awhile to get back to normal.

My kids are use to being able to come to mommy for anything they need. My husband is very good with the kids, but I'm usually with the kids 24/7 and they usually come to mommy for everything. And I'm also use to being able to take care of them and meet their needs. So this kinda worries me too.

Surgery kinda worries me to. Not so much the surgery but when I wake up after surgery. I have had surgery for different things before and when I wake up I have a tendency to cough alot and have alittle sea sickness (nausea).

If surgery was closer I think I would be alittle better, less time to worry about all this. As of right now my surgery is on the 12th of Feb. But I have also been put on the contact list for cancellations, so if someone hasta cancel their surgery they will call me to fill that slot. But that dosent happen very often so it looks like another month of worryin.

Alittle backgound

2009-01-07T22:04:00.000-08:00

Hi. My name is Bobbi. I am 31 years old, married (husband- Jay), and mother of 2 young beautiful children (Josie is 6 and Toby is 2). I live in southern Illinois. I started losing my hearing when I was about 20 years old due to a condition called lupus. My lupus affects my joints and central nervous system. I wore hearing aids from the time I was 23 till I turned 27.

One day I had terrible ringing in my ear.....when I woke up the next morning I had totally lost all hearing in my left ear. Two days later the same thing happened in my right ear. I have been totally deaf ever since. It was quite scary and disorienting at the time. My husband and I knew this could happen.....but you are never really prepared for it to really happen. My daughter was 2 at the time and it was a challenge to just get thru daily routines. I was very lucky in the fact that I am a pretty decent lipreader, although this didn't help me communicate with my daughter cause she didn't properly form all of her words correctly.

At that time my husband didn't even want to consider cochlear implants. He was in shock and had heard alot of myths about them. And we are very much a people of faith. He had the hopes that the Lord would bring back my hearing the same way it left, suddenly and without warning. But after 4 years of me praying, he suddenly started to do some research on cochlears. Jay realized that this might be the answer to our prayers. He realized that sometimes God has a different answer than what you expect. Jay wanted my hearing to come back on its own......but God said how much do you trust me......this is the way I will bring her hearing back.....now what are you gonna do with My answer.

So a couple of weeks ago Jay told me to go ahead and make an appt with the dr I need to see. The nearest one is about an hour away from where I live. And the surgeon is fairly well known across the United States. They had me fax them my last audiogram. They called back (I use a captioning phone so I can talk and what the other person says comes up in text on a screen for me) within the hour all EXCITED. They asked me when was the soonest I could come. I had to wait a couple of weeks because my medicare wasnt in effect until the beginning of the year. So I went to the audiologist. She was EXTREMELY friendly. She started the testing and just as we all knew I am TOTALLY deaf. It was kinda funny cause for part of the test Jay was standing outside the SOUNDPROOF booth and he said that one of the tones was so loud it was like standing near a freight train blowin its horn. Of course I felt some vibration with some of the lower tones.....but I never heard a thing. The audiologist said ok we dont need to do any more test because it would be pointless. She said that I am the PERFECT candidate for bilateral (one in each ear) cochlear implants. I was SHOCKED!!!!!!!! I thought I was just getting my hopes up.......not in a million years did I think they would say yes. Of course everyone that is around me said they knew I was a canidate all along......but I just couldn't believe it.

Well then the surgeon, who is warm, friendly, and has quite a sense of humor, looked at my ears and said I wish I would have had you when this first happened, but you are gonna do exceptionally well with cochlears. Then came the financial talk. UGH!!!!!!! At first they said my insurance will definitely pay for one, but probably not both. I was kinda discouraged, but hey I was at least gonna hear outta one ear right. I could always fight the insurance later for the other ear. Well then the Lord said "HEY, where is the trust thing we was talkin about" Low and behold the next day I talked to the insurance guy at the hospital and he said "Hon, you are on disability (I had to go on disability cause I live in a very rural area of Illinois and once an employer knows you are deaf they find a discrete way to get rid of you), anyway the guy said "Hon you have Medicare thru your disability, your insurance will only cover one, but medicare here ALWAYS approves both. So what your insurance dosent cover on the one ear medicare will pick up and medicare will cover the entire cost of the second ear. It's ALL taken care of." And it felt like the Lord slapped me on the back of my head sayin...."Oh my child of little faith....."

So right now I'm just waiting on my surgery date which is on Feb 12th. They said if they have a slot open up between now and then they will let me know, but as of right now Feb 12th is the go date. I'm gonna try to keep this blog current. I know I have read some blogs and they have been EXTREMELY helpful. Just knowing that what I'm feeling and goin thru is normal and that other people have done this and have come thru all the scary and exciting parts...